im starting to become stupid...

i donno why.. why does the one i love always left me hanging by not giving me the answers that i need? is it my destiny.. or God has abandon me.. filling my time with only despair and suffering.. i tried to love but im not loved... i tried to care.. but where are they when i really need them the most?.. u can ask all my fren including my best fren.. have i ever tell them my problems and ask them to listen? instead im the one willingly listen.. for that seeing they smile again is why i do it everytime.. i have spent all my life until now to understand people and the one i try to loved.. but did they try to understand me too?.. im tired.. i rather die then left hanging like this.. this is much more painfull then a couple breakoff.. u dont know because u nver felt like i do.. i know u will say.. couple are much more harsh now tell me. being alone is not? i am alone.. since i was small.. every problem i handle them myself.. unless my frens willingly help.. i accept and thanks them.. i donno anymore. i have reach my end and my peek.. im starting to give up to love.. better to hate everything then love... at least when i hate i know they hate me back.. the answer lies in ur hands.. not mine.. i have done my very best loving and care as i could do.. when im ready u ignore me. when im not in the mood u look for me... but still i tried to listen and help... i dont know why im feelin jealous i dont fucking know... ur not mine.. but still u act like ur mine.. i dont know the reason im on9 anymore.. is it for them? or is it for her? tskk.... sigh.. (-_-).. this is all me... i really hate when people told me to do things.. or ask me to change how i live my life so that they could be hepy.. i do wut i want.. how i want it and end it how i wish it.. I HATE THIS FUCKING LIFE.. THIS IS ALL BULLSHIT.. FUCK U ALL.. FUCK IT!!!!...Why does it always have to be me...