how should i response?

this news struck me somedays ago in the early weeks.. the one i love for so long are gonna get enggaged with someone else.. the first time she tells me i couldnt believe wut i read.. suddenly i feel like sumtin struck my heart from the inside.. it hurts so much moree.. the same pain i felt years ago.. i was unable to response.. and i left her a msg while she was off9 and after i regain my sanity a bit.. it making me thinking all day long.. not a thing worth doing anymore once i heard that news.. can u imagine.. and can u tell me how to response.. after knowing her for so long.. the first time i chat with her is in Mirc... i was just bored dowloading comic from some server i type in the chatting adress.. and just randomly pick name and stat a conversation.. she reply and giving salam to me.. and advice me to start my conversation with salam first.. i was emmbarased and after that we chat a lot.. without me knowing.. i have changed.. i suddenly felt like ive found my light finally to guide me.. that was how i felt and fell in love with her.. and trying to ask for her hand ever since then.. but she doesnt want to be couple or sumtin close. she just wanna get married.. it was the first time i ever love.. someone.. i can tell u i have tried many ways but not to the extend in going to her home in kedah nad get along with his mom and dad.. im a shy person.. even when we go out together i never touch her.. and i always listen to her talking.. her talk mesmerize me in ways i cant imagine.. i like when she talks.. and stil i try to talk back hoping she wont get bored with me.. (hell everyone bored with me).. all the problems she shared with me.. i was there for her no matter wut.. (behind the phone) sometimes i called her and we talked.. she herself knows how much i like her.. but in my mind i dont think she even liked me a bit.. then i found out she have a FORCED boyfrens.. i was crushed.. i was really mad.. i dont even think straight.. making my day goes bad.. then she told me the reason for that to happens.. i quickly understood that and try to tolerate with my feelings of overreacting.. then they broke up coz she couldnt stand him anymore.. she forced the break up.. for her own good.. i comfort as i can in ways i dont even know wut the heck am i doing. i dont really know how to comfort aynone.. but for her i tried.. be there for her.. but she hast realised.. i never a single one of my problem with her because its not i dont have any problem its just im not the type to talk.. so i acumulate my problems and store it when the time comes i try to solve it in my own way .. but maybe i did tell her some problem of mine i cant remember.. but i was happy with her even though it was hard to meet up with her since we are far apart.. i also got other frens.. woman i mean.. but not so close like here.. even though we are far apart yet we are so close.. of course in our relationship she doesnt know where to put me.. either frens.. best frens or boyfriends.. she tld her frens in ipoh that im close to a husband.. in a way.. i was a bit happy she thought that.. we can only meet up for a while.. and when we meet it doesnt sound like a date.. jsut hanging out.. because when we met each other.. some times she is alone.. but sometime she got her frens around her.. and i stil trying to be her boyfriend by saying it over again.. and the answer i get is still the same.. i love her so much from the bottom of my heart she is my only one.. i pray to GOD hoping that we would be together in the end.. sumtimes we got up and down.. but everything turns out ok in the end.. and now..she told me she;s gonna engagged with someone else.. in fact i just told here right after my bday that i plan to enggaged with her.. at that time i was a bit busy with sum tin.. i dont remember well... but i try to sms her.. and chat in fb with her.. lastly.. she told me i was distant.. and thought that i agree to be bestfren only.. despite the fact that i love her like crazy.. she told me i rarely call her.. msg her... how can i call her since she was busy working.. how can i sms her.. when i msg she doesnt have credit to response.. in fb.. i dont talk first anymore coz.. she's not the only one who are on9 in her fb.. sumtime her frens or cousins.. that why my msg arent replied back.. and her fb business.. that i was just playing of sulking overthere and got scold by her fren whilst she wrote to me wut her close freens are mad at me at.. i have no choice then to just wait she contact me first.. and she think i dont love her anymore.. and her mother calls up said she would get enngagged with sumone.. so she just agreed out of the blue..and she told me about this.. i was really piss but i dont know wut to say anymore... i told my frens and they told me to cantact her parent and explain the situation.. but i refuse.. it was my principle of life to never attain sumtin that are mark by the others.. and never ruins others life just for ur own sake.. that why i just.. dont know.. how to response.. she ask me to attend the ceremony.. i refuse not coz i hate her.. because i dont know wut i might do if i her fiancee.. i want to cry but there is no tears anymore to flow.. its making me a heartless person...even till now i stil thinking about this.. shit.. wut da hell gonna happen to me.. im not so weak like the others that go commit suicide and bla2 all that stupid stuff.. and im not so strong either.. can u tell me.. if ur in my shoe rite now.. in this time.. wut do you do and how do you response.. and dont tell me you said.. be happy with this fucking thing.. u really are an asshole if u ever said that... and today on sunday.. 6 feb 2011.. we met.. at nilai train station.. she asked to meet me.. and i agree without a fuss.. and i dont even know wut does she thinking.. we met.. i was about to hug her when she said till wee meet again.. but im not like any other guy that she have been out with.. so i dont do that stuff.. she told me stories and problems that occur during her stay in kl n working at tm.. and now i think i know why she said she want me to be her best frens.. cause she have liked sumone else.. she didnt told me that i just gues.. since she told me.. that she have just started to like someone and hope that sumone wont get mad if she told him that shes gonna get engagged next week.. i dont know whether she meant me or that other guy.. as i am a bit blur so i just smile and watch her closely.. when i was on the way home i think about it alot.. and it starting to hit me.. that maybe if she doesnt enggaged with someone else.. maybe she would be with the one she like. if that was other guy and not me.. i was bit down when i think about it.. and i wont tell her.. cos just doesnt want to ruin her mode more that she is now.. i dont know if im nice or im stupid..