bosan... haah

i have no idea.. why am i feeling this way.. no matter how i laugh and make jokes.. i always end up.. sitting alone and play with my though.. actually i was ok with it.. until this young boy started to say hello to me and asking me where im going in the train i answer seremban.. he just suprised and said jauh nye bang.. tak bosan ke sorang2 bang? tade kwn?... he said that to me.. i said its ok... what can i do.. nobodys live in the same area as me and goes to KLMU every single day anyway.. and there i goes.. started to feel blank.... until i arrive at seremban station.. time fly fast when im in my blank mode.. funny ... until i ride my motocycle home.. still a long way.. stil alone... feel nothing at all.. i wonder why.. im really happy i got someone so close to me.. she's the closest thing with me.. beside my mom.. plus shes my mother adopted daughter... and becoming my adopted little sister.. even though shes married... im really happy but with though that i really cant be happy i cant be happy at all.. afraid it might cause me another hollow feeling.. im afraid.... she's afraid of losing while im afraid of losing her also.. i love her as my little sister nothing more.. so i sacrifice anything to make her happy.. but eventually what ill do would make her sad also thats why when im in trouble i wont tell her i cant help her.. instead i try my best finding the solution so she wont be worried.. i hope she didnt read this.. i dont like to make someone close to me worried about me.. let me worried about them instead of them worrying about me.. i rather take the pain then giving away the pain... let it all stay with me..a s long as the smile could be carved on her face.. that the cure for everything..... people started saying that the group that always hang out with us has fallen apart.. some of them wouldnt hang out anymore.. why does i think that im being the middle man.. i just told that friend of mine that i dont fucking care.. their life.. lead as they see fit.. im just a side actor in their life.. ^_^... ive become shy when the friend tease me by calling me her brother in front of the others... i dont mind.. but dont speak outloud.. im not into all that glory.. i just wanna live a low life.. but in KL.. who the fuck gives a damn.... damn.. wtf am i babling about.. ahha probably sugar rush.. nevermind.. im just into telling a little bit about my life and whats going on in this little world of mine.. dont worry.. ill help as long as im still breathing... dont worry about me.. ill try to live.. as i see fit... the famous word ADE AKU KESAH? you say it to people easily but you dont know when you care and that word are out.. kind of fucking rude... between friends maybe.. laughing stock.. with close friends? ur asking to be beaten down... well who cares... rapat la serapat mane yg bleh... aslkn batasan diketahui dan nanti jgn ckp kwn lupe kwn lak..... tak perlu ingat kebaikan aku.. ingat lah kejahatan aku sesungguhnya itu yang terbaek untuk diri yg terhine ini ...